Titles

To: robert_johnsons_bastard_son@therollingstones.com
From: agent@edvictor.co.uk
Subject: re: TITLE-IVE GOT IT MATE
Date: 18 April 2007 08:31:50

Keith,

Many thanks for your email. I’m not sure Snorting Me Dad is exactly right, but let’s keep working at it. I like the new email address, though.

-Ed

475 Supermodels

To: zombieflashlightning@therollingstones.com
From: agent@edvictor.co.uk
Subject: our tea
Date: 28 March 2007 16:14:14

Dear Keith,

It was a great pleasure to meet you, as well as your manager, your road crew, your well-managed staff of shamans, and Svetlana, who is quite stunning. I am invigorated by the thought of helping you put your amazing story to the page, and am certain that I’m the right agent for the job. And I am both surprised and thrilled that you’re interested in taking such an active role in the crafting of the memoir proper; surely you know that this is rare among celebrities of your stature, but will add to the book’s value -- as a work of literature, as an historical document, and in the marketplace as well.

I’m quite frankly in awe of your wonderful ideas to build editorial enthusiasm for the book. However, I may ask you to reconsider your plan to compose the entire manuscript of your memoir on the naked backs and buttocks of 475 gorgeous supermodels. Though your idea would certainly catch the attention of each and every editor to whom we submitted the book, I’m worried that shipping and duplication costs – always a concern during the submission process – might escalate more quickly than you’d be comfortable with.

I’ll be in touch soon. Incidentally, Svetlana is still here, and is conducting a loud and somewhat embarrassingly personal conversation with herself in our conference room. If you have a moment to send someone round to fetch her I’d be grateful.

All best,
Ed

Peacocks

To: zombieflashlightning@therollingstones.com
From: agent@edvictor.co.uk
Subject: memoir
Date: 6 March 2007 12:21:03

Dear Mr Richards,

I must admit that when I asked Sean to ascertain whether you were, in fact, the real Keith Richards, I never expected such an immediate or extravagant response. You may rest assured that the twenty trained peacocks outside our offices have put their point across and may now be returned to your estate. I would be honored and pleased to talk business with you. Could you join us for tea?

All best,
Ed Victor

Keith Richards' Memoir: The Emails

To: zombieflashlightning@therollingstones.com
From: victor.assistant@edvictor.co.uk
Subject: your submission
Date: 6 March 2007 09:45:22

Dear Mr Richards,

Thank you for your recent submission to our agency. Mr Victor has asked me to write to ask you to confirm that you are indeed Keith Richards of the rock band the Rolling Stones. If you could please send along some proof of identification, we’d be grateful. Of course we regret taking this embarrassing measure but we were quite surprised to find your letter in our slush pile.

All best,
Sean Wylde
Assistant to Ed Victor