In Which I Somehow End Up Explaining My Dog's Reproductive System to a Random New York City Parks Department Employee

Scene: Isham Park, Inwood. I am walking my dog, Dora. A Parks employee is emptying the garbage can near the entrance as I approach. He calls out to Dora.

PARKS GUY: Hey Dexter! Hey, Dexter! Dexter! Did I get his name right?

ME: Her name is Dora, actually. You got the "D" right.

PARKS GUY: Dora! So she's a girl?

ME: Yeah.

PARKS GUY: You got a boyfriend, Dora? Or is she, you know, did you fix her?

ME: She's fixed, yeah.

PARKS GUY: Now how do they do that with girl dogs?

ME: Um... [I don't actually know whether they just tie dogs' tubes, or remove the uterus, so I give my best guess.] I think it's like a hysterectomy.

PARKS GUY: What?! They go up her butt?!!

ME: No! Uh, it's like, they remove her uterus.

PARKS GUY: Oh, so she ain't got no cunt.

ME: Well, not... uh, yeah, basically.

PARKS GUY: But if a boy dog wanna come get with her, she ain't got no hole there?

ME: She still has a hole, it just doesn't, like, go anywhere.

PARKS GUY: Huh.

OTHER PARKS GUY WHO JUST WALKED OVER: She doesn't have a hole?

ME: And I mean, I don't think any boy dog is going to, you know, because she doesn't have any hormones.

PARKS GUY: Any what-mones?

ME: Hormones.

[Dora and I walk away. From behind us:]

OTHER PARKS GUY: I don't see no hole there.

PARKS GUY: No, me either.

THE END