The Top 25 Sports Lists of the Past 25 Years
What makes a great sports list? Is it inclusiveness? Glibness? Groundless authority? Ability to inspire email-forwarding? All of the above!!! Readers looking for an argument love 'em. Hacks desperate for a column depend on 'em. In honor of a quarter-century of awesome sports lists, I've put together the ULTIMATE list of sports lists! Here it is... The Top 25 Sports Lists Of The Past 25 Years!
25. The Infinite ERA Club
Sean Holtz, Baseball Almanac, 2003
Who doesn't remember where they were when this list was first released? Baseball is a game of numbers, so why not celebrate the pitchers whose season or career Earned Run Averages stand at the number to end all numbers: Sideways 8.
24. Dives Not Recognized by the Olympic Diving Committee
Peter Schoof, mcsweeneys.net, 2001
A forward 3 1/2 somersault with the hand clap from the 'Friends' theme song in a pike position.
23. Most Eligible Palm Beach Polo Ponies, 1986-1987
Muffy Turlingstone, Palm Beach, FL, 1986
A snapshot of a era gone forever. #1: Dipsy-Doodle. This chestnut dynamo has a firm carriage and wonderful deep-brown eyes. A really, really neat horse.
22. Top Ten Hockey Fighters of All Time
As voted by the readers of hockeyfights.com, 2004
The authorities on hockey fights speak: the most fearsome brawler in hockey history is the Blackhawks' and Red Wings' Bob Probert.
21. 1984 Draft Winners and Losers
Jock Stewart, Sandy, OR, 1984
You can't go to a bar in Portland without hearing people still laugh about this list. Delightfully misguided: The Trailblazers can be pretty thrilled about their pick of Sam Bowie. Size wins in the NBA. Rumor has it Stewart eventually moved to Chicago to avoid the constant catcalls.
20. Ted Williams' 20 Greatest Hitters
Ted Williams, 1994
The Splendid Splinter created his Hitters' Hall of Fame in Hernando, FL, and named as its inaugural class the players he believed to be the 20 greatest hitters of all time... not counting himself, of course.
19. Best Baseball Players of All Time
Charlie Brown, 1982
A list from all our childhoods. Still gives me a warm feeling in my heart. #1: Joe Shlabotnik.
18. Chester vs. Shrewsbury Town Top Ten Matches
Chas Sumner, Chester, UK, 2003
Surely the most accurate document of British football infatuation is this list of the best ever matches between two teams no one cares about. 30 September 1911. The first competitive fixture and Chester win comfortably thanks to a hat trick from Lol Cook. Chester go on to beat Northern Nomads and Wrexham but are eventually eliminated by Stockport County.
17. The 50 Greatest Players in NBA History
National Basketball Association, 1997
In honor of the 50th anniversary of the NBA, the league named its all-time greats. Still hard to believe Scottie Pippen made this list.
16. Top Ten Other Unconfirmed Rumors About Mike Piazza
The writers of "The Late Show With David Letterman," 2002
#9. His number, 31, is also the number of bat boys he's strangled."
15. Top Ten Feats We'd Like to See
Jeff Merron, ESPN.com, 2003
J.J. Redick shooting 100% from the line? Ichiro hitting in 57 straight games? Future sports records, unveiled, by the listmasters at ESPN.com. Merron in particular is a list machine; he spouts off two or three a week, never anything less than professional.
14. Courtney Walsh's Six Best Performances
BBC Sports Online, 2001
In honor of Jamaican bowler Walsh's 500th Test wicket, the BBC runs down his six greatest Test matches. Full of charming and incomprehensible cricket lingo. Having recorded 6-62 in the first innings, he was given the new ball second time round and responded by dismissing Navjot Sidhu, the first-innings centurion, for a duck.
13. Left-Handed Catchers
Sean Holtz, Baseball Almanac, 2002
A classic sports list: it illuminates something we never knew about a sport we thought we knew everything about. Have you ever seen a left-handed catcher?
12. Longest Field Goals By Female Kickers
P.S. Luchter, 2004
Creepily comprehensive. 30 yards: Kara Snitger (Cedar Cliff HS, Camp Hill, Pa.), halftime of Big 33 (Penn. v Ohio) HS All-Star Game, 7/24/2004 to win college scholarship. Going to Pittsburgh.
11. Fans in Section 8-J Whose Heads I Would Like to Bash In
Ralph Stevens, Cleveland, OH, 1979
#2. That guy in the rainbow wig who's blocking my view of the visiting end zone.
10. Most Influential Bowlers of All Time
Larry Paladino, Bowling Digest, 2001
What finally landed it on the list was this quote from #1 Larry Weber: "Come to think of it, I haven't bowled on a submarine."
9. Inside-the-Park Grand Slams in Baseball History
Sean Holtz, Baseball Almanac, 2002
Holtz scores again with this compendium of a surprisingly common baseball event, an inside-the-park home run with the bases loaded. In September 1901, Brooklyn's Jimmy Sheckard accomplished it twice in two days. Who doesn't love baseball lists like this? So useless, yet so delightful?
8. Kelly Slater's Pro Surfer 2 Top Ten Wishlist
The Editors of SportPlanet.com, 2001
How much do you care about you surfing videogame? The authors of this list care a lot. As it stands now the surfer simply lies there on his board and waits for a wave to magically appear. He can't sit up and look around, his paddling abilities seem limited, and if he duck dives the wave the next one comes just as quick in the same fashion as the first. Degree of passion outweighs the lack of initial capitals.
7. Obvious Fouls I Cannot Believe These Referees Did not Call
Jonathan Farmer, Chapel Hill, NC, 1996
#4. They're just mauling Antawn Jamison down there! C'mon, call that!"
6. Top Ten Athletes of All Time
Jeff Merron, ESPN.com, 2004
An ambitious attempt to combine all sports lists into one. But Dave Winfield ahead of Bo Jackson?
5. Responses to Reporters
Don Carman, Philadelphia Phillies, 1990
Phils pitcher Don Carman posted his boilerplate answers to reporters' questions on his locker midway through the 1990 season. #12: "This team seems ready to gel." Rasheed-esque.
4. Manchester United's Top Ten Offseason Targets
The editors of Manchester Online, 2003
They could buy and sell you. Shevchenko also apparently has the most complicated contract in world football.
3. Top Five Passers in the NBA
Allhiphop.com message board user IrishPride, 2004
Two words: Vlade Divac. Authoritative and inarguable. One of the best no-commentary lists ever made. Those who argue with IrishPride are fools.
2. Best High School Football Teams in the North Shore Conference
The Whitefish Bay High School Pep Squad, Whitefish Bay, WI, 1988
#1. The Whitefish Bay Blue Dukes!!!!!!!!!! #2. Everyone else.
1. Top 10 Sports Lists of the Past Year
ESPN.com staff, ca. 2002
The clear winner. Groundbreaking. Initiated a revolution in listmaking. True list-lovers -- those who know that sporting events find their grandeur not in their competition but in the arbitrary ranking that occurs afterwards -- still get goosebumps when they see this list.
25. The Infinite ERA Club
Sean Holtz, Baseball Almanac, 2003
Who doesn't remember where they were when this list was first released? Baseball is a game of numbers, so why not celebrate the pitchers whose season or career Earned Run Averages stand at the number to end all numbers: Sideways 8.
24. Dives Not Recognized by the Olympic Diving Committee
Peter Schoof, mcsweeneys.net, 2001
A forward 3 1/2 somersault with the hand clap from the 'Friends' theme song in a pike position.
23. Most Eligible Palm Beach Polo Ponies, 1986-1987
Muffy Turlingstone, Palm Beach, FL, 1986
A snapshot of a era gone forever. #1: Dipsy-Doodle. This chestnut dynamo has a firm carriage and wonderful deep-brown eyes. A really, really neat horse.
22. Top Ten Hockey Fighters of All Time
As voted by the readers of hockeyfights.com, 2004
The authorities on hockey fights speak: the most fearsome brawler in hockey history is the Blackhawks' and Red Wings' Bob Probert.
21. 1984 Draft Winners and Losers
Jock Stewart, Sandy, OR, 1984
You can't go to a bar in Portland without hearing people still laugh about this list. Delightfully misguided: The Trailblazers can be pretty thrilled about their pick of Sam Bowie. Size wins in the NBA. Rumor has it Stewart eventually moved to Chicago to avoid the constant catcalls.
20. Ted Williams' 20 Greatest Hitters
Ted Williams, 1994
The Splendid Splinter created his Hitters' Hall of Fame in Hernando, FL, and named as its inaugural class the players he believed to be the 20 greatest hitters of all time... not counting himself, of course.
19. Best Baseball Players of All Time
Charlie Brown, 1982
A list from all our childhoods. Still gives me a warm feeling in my heart. #1: Joe Shlabotnik.
18. Chester vs. Shrewsbury Town Top Ten Matches
Chas Sumner, Chester, UK, 2003
Surely the most accurate document of British football infatuation is this list of the best ever matches between two teams no one cares about. 30 September 1911. The first competitive fixture and Chester win comfortably thanks to a hat trick from Lol Cook. Chester go on to beat Northern Nomads and Wrexham but are eventually eliminated by Stockport County.
17. The 50 Greatest Players in NBA History
National Basketball Association, 1997
In honor of the 50th anniversary of the NBA, the league named its all-time greats. Still hard to believe Scottie Pippen made this list.
16. Top Ten Other Unconfirmed Rumors About Mike Piazza
The writers of "The Late Show With David Letterman," 2002
#9. His number, 31, is also the number of bat boys he's strangled."
15. Top Ten Feats We'd Like to See
Jeff Merron, ESPN.com, 2003
J.J. Redick shooting 100% from the line? Ichiro hitting in 57 straight games? Future sports records, unveiled, by the listmasters at ESPN.com. Merron in particular is a list machine; he spouts off two or three a week, never anything less than professional.
14. Courtney Walsh's Six Best Performances
BBC Sports Online, 2001
In honor of Jamaican bowler Walsh's 500th Test wicket, the BBC runs down his six greatest Test matches. Full of charming and incomprehensible cricket lingo. Having recorded 6-62 in the first innings, he was given the new ball second time round and responded by dismissing Navjot Sidhu, the first-innings centurion, for a duck.
13. Left-Handed Catchers
Sean Holtz, Baseball Almanac, 2002
A classic sports list: it illuminates something we never knew about a sport we thought we knew everything about. Have you ever seen a left-handed catcher?
12. Longest Field Goals By Female Kickers
P.S. Luchter, 2004
Creepily comprehensive. 30 yards: Kara Snitger (Cedar Cliff HS, Camp Hill, Pa.), halftime of Big 33 (Penn. v Ohio) HS All-Star Game, 7/24/2004 to win college scholarship. Going to Pittsburgh.
11. Fans in Section 8-J Whose Heads I Would Like to Bash In
Ralph Stevens, Cleveland, OH, 1979
#2. That guy in the rainbow wig who's blocking my view of the visiting end zone.
10. Most Influential Bowlers of All Time
Larry Paladino, Bowling Digest, 2001
What finally landed it on the list was this quote from #1 Larry Weber: "Come to think of it, I haven't bowled on a submarine."
9. Inside-the-Park Grand Slams in Baseball History
Sean Holtz, Baseball Almanac, 2002
Holtz scores again with this compendium of a surprisingly common baseball event, an inside-the-park home run with the bases loaded. In September 1901, Brooklyn's Jimmy Sheckard accomplished it twice in two days. Who doesn't love baseball lists like this? So useless, yet so delightful?
8. Kelly Slater's Pro Surfer 2 Top Ten Wishlist
The Editors of SportPlanet.com, 2001
How much do you care about you surfing videogame? The authors of this list care a lot. As it stands now the surfer simply lies there on his board and waits for a wave to magically appear. He can't sit up and look around, his paddling abilities seem limited, and if he duck dives the wave the next one comes just as quick in the same fashion as the first. Degree of passion outweighs the lack of initial capitals.
7. Obvious Fouls I Cannot Believe These Referees Did not Call
Jonathan Farmer, Chapel Hill, NC, 1996
#4. They're just mauling Antawn Jamison down there! C'mon, call that!"
6. Top Ten Athletes of All Time
Jeff Merron, ESPN.com, 2004
An ambitious attempt to combine all sports lists into one. But Dave Winfield ahead of Bo Jackson?
5. Responses to Reporters
Don Carman, Philadelphia Phillies, 1990
Phils pitcher Don Carman posted his boilerplate answers to reporters' questions on his locker midway through the 1990 season. #12: "This team seems ready to gel." Rasheed-esque.
4. Manchester United's Top Ten Offseason Targets
The editors of Manchester Online, 2003
They could buy and sell you. Shevchenko also apparently has the most complicated contract in world football.
3. Top Five Passers in the NBA
Allhiphop.com message board user IrishPride, 2004
Two words: Vlade Divac. Authoritative and inarguable. One of the best no-commentary lists ever made. Those who argue with IrishPride are fools.
2. Best High School Football Teams in the North Shore Conference
The Whitefish Bay High School Pep Squad, Whitefish Bay, WI, 1988
#1. The Whitefish Bay Blue Dukes!!!!!!!!!! #2. Everyone else.
1. Top 10 Sports Lists of the Past Year
ESPN.com staff, ca. 2002
The clear winner. Groundbreaking. Initiated a revolution in listmaking. True list-lovers -- those who know that sporting events find their grandeur not in their competition but in the arbitrary ranking that occurs afterwards -- still get goosebumps when they see this list.
Labels: sports
posted by Dan at 11:52 PM
1 Comments:
Probert was a nightmare. He was arrested one time for driving while under the influence (of a number of things, alcohol probably least among them), and when they had already had his name and cuffed him, he decided to kick the cop and make a run for it. Of course, they caught him pretty easily, and with his hands behind his back his face got all banged up. When they finally got him in the back of the patrol car, he shouted at the officers, tried to kick the windows out, and then eventually contented himself by wiping his bloody face all over the plexiglass dividing the front and back seats.
Also, due to drug issues, he was twice banned for life from entering Canada.
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